On September 11th, 2001, the Twin Towers of New York City fell and things have never been the same.
On September 11, 2003, my “twin towers” fell and like with New York City, things have never been the same. I’d like to share my story with you.
I had always been faithful about getting my mammograms and keeping my other medical appointments. Each year, the reports were good. I had almost talked myself into just going every other year to get my mammogram but decided to continue my regular, yearly routine. This was a very wise decision because this mammogram showed something that looked a bit suspicious and I was sent for a biopsy. After the biopsy I was told that Dr. Barum really did not think it was anything to worry about but we were going to be sure. For the first time in my life, I didn’t worry about it and came on home and went about my daily routine.
A few days later, as I was getting my hair cut, my cell phone rang. I have no idea what made me think that this was not going to be a social call. I was right. It was Dr. Payne telling me that the biopsy indeed had showed that I had in situ ductal carcinoma. I had no idea what that was other than I had cancer. At that moment, time stood still. Everything then started spinning. Everything was quiet. I felt all eyes on me as my stylist tried to steady me. I felt like I was in one place and everyone else in the world was in another. There is no way to explain this. I did not cry. I remember sitting down and looking up and telling my stylist that I had just found out I had cancer. That was my first time to actually say the word….cancer. She didn’t know what to do or say. She told me she could get me home or whatever I needed but I told her to just finish cutting my hair. (I do remember thinking that if I was going to die, I wanted my hair to look good). I sat there like a zombie.
The next part is really fuzzy. I do not remember leaving the salon or driving, but I wound up at my friend’s home not far from the salon. When she came to the door she knew something was wrong. I went inside and for the second time that day, I announced that I had cancer. I don’t remember a lot after that but we called my husband and he was there in no time. Also, another one of my friends came over. It may be because I have chosen to forget, but I do not remember much of anything else after that.
Skipping on ahead a bit , I was referred to Dr. Philip Ley and and he agreed to see me a few days later. He went over my options, gave me a day to think about it, then called me to see what I had decided. After much discussion and even more prayer, we decided on a lumpectomy. I was 47 years old and this was my first surgery ever in my life. After the path report came back, the margins still were not clear so a week later I had a reexcision. When that path report came back, there was still some unclear margins so it was time for the big surgery.
The night before my double mastectomy was the first time I cried. I couldn’t sleep. I got up and went to the living room and talked to the “girls.” I realized that I would not have them after the next day and was going to miss them. I cried for hours. My husband heard me and he got up and came in there where I was. He held me, he listened, and he cried with me; After a while I felt better and I went back to bed and slept.
The next day, on September 11th, I had a double mastectomy. There were three weeks and three surgeries. A pastor friend of mine came in after my surgery. He told me I probably wouldn’t find much humor in it at the moment, but one day I could tell people that my “twin towers” also fell on September 11th. He was right, I did not find any humor in it at all that day. As time passed, and the more I thought about it, the funnier it got.
The hardest part of all was the waiting to hear from the pathology reports to see if it had spread to my lymph nodes. It had not and so after my third surgery, I was told I would not have to have any further treatment. This was wonderful news! Before my mastectomy, I had been sent to Dr. Scott Runnels to discuss reconstruction. After Dr. Ley had finished his part of the surgery, Dr. Runnels took over and started on the reconstruction process.
As proud as I was that I was through with surgeries, other than having my implants put in, one of the worst parts of my ordeal was the drainage tubes I had to wear. It was so hard to find things to wear to the appointments and every time I entered the room, I felt like all eyes were on me. Of course they were not because others were there for the same reason. A friend took me clothes shopping. I tried so hard to find blouses with lots of ruffles down the front because I was flat as a pancake! Eventually, this all changed.
My husband was supportive and encouraging throughout all of this. He changed my bandages every day, bathed me, drained my tubes, and kept up with amounts and everything else that had to be done. I was beginning to realize how tough this was on him, but not once did he complain or show frustration. Friends came and called; sent cards, flowers, and food. I was beginning to realize more and more each day how fortunate I was.
After six weeks, I returned to teaching school. When I got to my room, my students had decorated the bulletin board with pink ribbons. Everyone was so gracious and supportive. The one thing I will never forget is what one of the coaches said to me one day. He pulled me over to the side and told me to walk tall and proud, and not fold my arms in front of me; that I was looking good and should be proud. That piece of advice and all the support from friends, family and doctors has stuck with me to this very day. Incidentally, that same coach came to see my husband and I every Saturday during my recovery, and he even would bring lunch!
Wanting to get involved and prove to myself and others that I was alive and well, I auditioned for a musical at a local community theater. A few days after my final surgery, I got the call that I had been cast as “Dolly” in the musical Hello Dolly. I found some humor in this as I started explaining to my non-theater friends that this was not Dolly Parton! This experience was a wonderful blessing at a perfect time. I threw myself into rehearsals and enjoyed the performances immensely. On the final night, as the cast was singing “Hello Dolly,” I was coming down a staircase when the cast gesturing toward me; I begin to cry. It was then I noticed – most of the cast had tears in their eyes. When I took my final bow, I started to sob. For weeks the musical had kept me busy and worry free, but at this moment I started to think, worry and realize that it was back to every day life.
During my check-up with Dr. Ley the following week, I shared my worries with him. He asked me what it was I was worrying about and I told him cancer. It was then he looked at me and told me that I no longer had cancer and that I should just get on with my life; enjoying every moment. Oddly enough, Dr. Runnels had told me the same thing earlier…to forget about it and enjoy life.
So I did.
I became involved with the Susan G. Komen for the Cure. I wear my pink pin proudly as I share my own personal story as well as the wonderful things Komen for the Cure is doing toward research to end this dreaded disease. I have met so many people who are going through cancer. I have been blessed to encourage them and offer comfort and hope. I use lots of humor when talking with people. We’ve all got to be able to laugh. This is imperative! Many people seem to get a diagnosis and then just give up! I have chosen to live. We have to get rid or the things that drain our energy so we can concentrate on recovery!
I have had many wonderful opportunities to speak at banquets, dinners, churches and many social events. People are generally amazed at my sense of humor when speaking of what I went through. I visited ladies in the hospital prior to having a mastectomy, and had a “show and tell” session with them. I stay in contact with everyone I meet along the way. We sometimes meet for lunch and even go to the appointments with them. I remember how it felt. I want to be there for others just as people were for me. I will always be grateful for the wonderful team of doctors, nurses and support personnel I had. I continue to see Dr. Ley to this day. I never want to be discharged.
Although there are a few scars on my chest, I refuse to allow my heart to be scarred. I am a survivor! I must convey that attitude. I never once asked “Why me?” Sometimes well-meaning people ask me how I am doing, but they ask it in such a way that they seem surprised that I am still here! My answer always is “I am blessed.”
My entire life has been changed by having cancer, but it has changed for the better! I sometimes think about recurrence, but it does not consume me. My eyes and my heart have been opened. My faith is stronger and I am more outspoken than I was in the past. As a dear sweet lady once told me, and I often quote her: “One day I am going to die but I am going to LIVE until I do!”
My favorite scripture is 1 Peter: 5: 7-11. It says: “Casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you. Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. Resist him, steadfast in the faith, knowing that the same sufferings are experienced by your brotherhood in the world. But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered awhile, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you. To Him be the glory and the dominion forever and ever. Amen.”
And so it is that I continue to live. Blessings to all who read this.
